Act III.
Scene II.
Scene II.—The Same. Before BAPTISTA'S
House.
Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO,
KATHARINA, BIANCA, LUCENTIO,
and Attendants.
Bap. [To TRANIO.] Signior Lucentio, this is
the 'pointed day
That Katharine and Petruchio should be mar-
ried,
And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
What will be said? what mockery will it be
To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
Kath. No shame but mine: I must, forsooth,
be forc'd
To give my hand oppos'd against my heart
Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen;
Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.
I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour;
And to be noted for a merry man,
He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of mar-
riage,
Make friends invite, and proclaim the banns;
Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.
Now must the world point out poor Katha-
rine,
And say, 'Lo! there is mad Petruchio's wife,
If it would please him come and marry her.'
Tra. Patience, good Katharine, and Baptista
too.
Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.
Kath. Would Katharine had never seen him
though! [Exit weeping, followed by
BIANCA and others.
Bap. Go, girl: I cannot blame thee now to
weep,
For such an injury would vex a very saint,
Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
Enter BIONDELLO.
Bion. Master, master! news! old news, and
such news as you never heard of!
Bap. Is it new and old too? how may that
be?
Bion. Why, is it not news to hear of Petru-
chio's coming?
Bap. Is he come?
Bion. Why, no, sir.
Bap. What then?
Bion. He is coming.
Bap. When will he be here?
Bion. When he stands where I am and sees
you there.
Tra. But, say, what to thine old news?
Bion. Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new
hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches
thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been
candle-cases, one buckled, another laced; an old
rusty sword ta'en out of the town-armoury, with
a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken
points: his horse hipped with an old mothy
saddle and stirrups of no kindred; besides,
possessed with the glanders and like to mose in
the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected
with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with
spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the
fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn
with the bots, swayed in the back, and shoulder-
shotten; near-legged before, and with a half-
checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep's leather,
which, being restrained to keep him from stum-
bling, hath been often burst and now repaired
with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a
woman's crupper of velure, which hath two
letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and
here and there pieced with packthread.
Bap. Who comes with him?
Bion. O, sir! his lackey, for all the world
caparisoned like the horse; with a linen stock
on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other,
gartered with a red and blue list; an old hat,
and the 'humour of forty fancies' pricked in't
for a feather: a monster, a very monster in
apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a
gentleman's lackey.
Tra. 'Tis some odd humour pricks him to
this fashion;
Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell'd.
Bap. I am glad he is come, howsoe'er he
comes.
Bion. Why, sir, he comes not.
Bap. Didst thou not say he comes?
Bion. Who? that Petruchio came?
Bap. Ay, that Petruchio came.
Bion. No, sir; I say his horse comes, with
him on his back.
Bap. Why, that's all one.
Bion. Nay, by Saint Jamy,
I hold you a penny,
A horse and a man
Is more than one,
And yet not many.
Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO.
Pet. Come, where be these gallants? who is
at home?
Bap. You are welcome, sir.
Pet. And yet I come not well.
Bap. And yet you halt not.
Tra. Not so well apparell'd
As I wish you were.
Pet. Were it better, I should rush in thus.
But where is Kate? where is my lovely bride?
How does my father? Gentles, methinks you
frown:
And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
As if they saw some wondrous monument,
Some comet, or unusual prodigy?
Bap. Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-
day:
First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate,
An eye-sore to our solemn festival.
Tra. And tell us what occasion of import
Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
Pet. Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
Sufficeth, I am come to keep my word,
Though in some part enforced to digress;
Which, at more leisure, I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied withal.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her:
The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.
Tra. See not your bride in these unreverent
robes:
Go to my chamber; put on clothes of mine.
Pet. Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.
Bap. But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
Pet. Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha'
done with words:
To me she's married, not unto my clothes.
Could I repair what she will wear in me
As I can change these poor accoutrements,
'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
But what a fool am I to chat with you
When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
[Exeunt PETRUCHIO, GRUMIO, and BIONDELLO.
Tra. He hath some meaning in his mad
attire.
We will persuade him, be it possible,
To put on better ere he go to church.
Bap. I'll after him, and see the event of this.
[Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and Attendants.
Tra. But to her love concerneth us to add
Her father's liking: which to bring to pass,
As I before imparted to your worship,
I am to get a man,—whate'er he be
It skills not much, we'll fit him to our turn,—
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
And make assurance here in Padua,
Of greater sums than I have promised.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
Luc. Were it not that my fellow school-
master
Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,
I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.
Tra. That by degrees we mean to look into,
And watch our vantage in this business.
We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
The narrow-prying father, Minola,
The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
All for my master's sake, Lucentio.
Re-enter GREMIO.
Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
Gre. As willingly as e'er I came from school.
Tra. And is the bride and bridegroom coming
home?
Gre. A bridegroom say you? 'Tis a groom
indeed,
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
Tra. Curster than she? why, 'tis impossible.
Gre. Why, he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
Tra. Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's
dam.
Gre. Tut! she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him.
I'll tell you. Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Should ask, if Katharine should be his wife,
'Ay, by gogs-wouns!' quoth he; and swore so
loud,
That, all amaz'd, the priest let fall the book;
And, as he stoop'd again to take it up,
The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a
cuff
That down fell priest and book and book and
priest:
'Now take them up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'
Tra. What said the wench when he arose
again?
Gre. Trembled and shook; for why he stampt
and swore,
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done,
He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he; as if
He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel,
And threw the sops all in the sexton's face;
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly,
And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck,
And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo:
And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame;
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before.
Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play. [Music.
Re-enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA,
BIANCA,BAPTISTA, HORTENSIO,
GRUMIO, and Train.
Pet. Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for
your pains:
I know you think to dine with me to-day,
And have prepar'd great store of wedding cheer;
But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
Bap. Is't possible you will away to-night?
Pet. I must away to-day, before night come.
Make it no wonder: if you knew my business,
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all,
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
Dine with my father, drink a health to me,
For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
Tra. Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
Pet. It may not be.
Gre. Let me entreat you.
Pet. It cannot be.
Kath. Let me entreat you.
Pet. I am content.
Kath. Are you content to stay?
Pet. I am content you shall entreat me stay,
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.
Kath. Now, if you love me, stay.
Pet. Grumio, my horse!
Gru. Ay, sir, they be ready: the oats have
eaten the horses.
Kath. Nay, then,
Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;
No, nor to-morrow, nor till I please myself.
The door is open, sir, there lies your way;
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself.
'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom,
That take it on you at the first so roundly.
Pet. O Kate! content thee: prithee, be not
angry.
Kath. I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
Gre. Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.
Kath. Gentlemen, forward to the bridal
dinner:
I see a woman may be made a fool,
If she had not a spirit to resist.
Pet. They shall go forward, Kate, at thy
command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her;
Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves;
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything;
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;
I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
Draw forth thy weapon, we're beset with
thieves;
Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench; they shall not touch
thee, Kate:
I'll buckler thee against a million.
[Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, and GRUMIO.
Bap. Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet
ones.
Gre. Went they not quickly I should die
with laughing.
Tra. Of all mad matches never was the like.
Luc. Mistress, what's your opinion of your
sister?
Bian. That, being mad herself, she's madly
mated.
Gre. I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
Bap. Neighbours and friends, though bride
and bridegroom wants
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's
place,
And let Bianca take her sister's room.
Tra. Shall sweet Bianca practise how to
bride it?
Bap. She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen,
let's go. [Exeunt.
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