William Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen of Verona in the complete original text.
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Act II. Scene V.

Scene V.—The Same. A Street.

Enter SPEED and LAUNCE.

Speed. Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to
Milan!
Launce. Forswear not thyself, sweet youth,
for I am not welcome. I reckon this always
that a man is never undone till he be hanged;
nor never welcome to a place till some certain
shot be paid and the hostess say, 'Welcome!'
Speed. Come on, you madcap, I'll to the
alehouse with you presently; where, for one
shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand
welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part
with Madam Julia?
Launce. Marry, after they closed in earnest,
they parted very fairly in jest.
Speed. But shall she marry him?
Launce. No.
Speed. How then? Shall he marry her?
Launce. No, neither.
Speed. What, are they broken?
Launce. No, they are both as whole as a fish.
Speed. Why then, how stands the matter
with them?
Launce. Marry, thus; when it stands well
with him, it stands well with her.
Speed. What an ass art thou! I understand
thee not.
Launce. What a block art thou, that thou
canst not! My staff understands me.
Speed. What thou sayest?
Launce. Ay, and what I do too: look thee,
I'll but lean, and my staff understands me.
Speed. It stands under thee, indeed.
Launce. Why, stand-under and under-stand
is all one.
Speed. But tell me true, will't be a match?
Launce. Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will;
if he say no, it will; if he shake his tail and say
nothing, it will.
Speed. The conclusion is, then, that it will.
Launce. Thou shalt never get such a secret
from me but by a parable.
Speed. 'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce,
how sayest thou, that my master is become a
notable lover?
Launce. I never knew him otherwise.
Speed. Than how?
Launce. A notable lubber, as thou reportest
him to be.
Speed. Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mis-
takest me.
Launce. Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant
thy master.
Speed. I tell thee, my master is become a hot
lover.
Launce. Why, I tell thee, I care not though
he burn himself in love. If thou wilt go with
me to the alehouse so; if not, thou art a.
Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a
Christian.
Speed. Why?
Launce. Because thou hast not so much
charity in thee as to go to the ale with a
Christian. Wilt thou go?
Speed. At thy service. [Exeunt.
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