William Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor in the complete original text.
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The Merry Wives of Windsor

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Act II. Scene III.

Scene III.—A Field near Windsor.

Enter CAIUS and RUGBY.

Caius. Jack Rugby!
Rug. Sir?
Caius. Vat is de clock. Jack?
Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh
promised to meet.
Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is
no come: he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is
no come. By gar. Jack Rugby, he is dead already,
if he be come.
Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship
would kill him, if he came.
Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead so as I
vill kill him. Take your rapier. Jack; I vill tell
you how I vill kill him.
Rug. Alas, sir! I cannot fence.
Caius. Villany, take your rapier.
Ruff. Forbear; here's company.

Host. Bless thee, bully doctor!
Shal. Save you. Master Doctor Caius!
Page. Now, good Master doctor!
Slen. Give you good morrow, sir.
Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four,
come for?
Host To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to
see thee traverse; to see thee here. to see thee
there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy
reverse, thy distance, thy montant Is he dead,
my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha,
bully! What says my Æsculapius? my Galen?
my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully stale?
is he dead?
Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of
de vorld; he is not show his face.
Host. Thou art a Castilian King Urinal!
Hector of Greece, my boy!
Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have
stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and
he is no come.
Shal. He is the wiser man. Master doctor:
he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of
bodies; if you should fight, you go against the
hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master
Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been
a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
Shal. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now
be old and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my
finger itches to make one. Though we are jus-
tices and doctors and churchmen, Master Pago,
we have some salt of our youth in us; we are
the sons of women, Master Page.
Page. 'Tis true, Master Shallow.
Shal. It will be found so, Master Page. Mas-
ter Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home.
I am sworn of the peace: you have showed
yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath
shown himself a wise and patient churchman.
You must go with me. Master doctor.
Host. Pardon, guest-justice.—A word. Mon-
sieur Mockwater.
Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat?
Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is
valour, bully.
Caius. By gar, den, I have as much mock-
vater as de Englishman.—Scurvy jack-dog priest!
by gar, me vill cut his ears.
Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?
Host. That is, he will make thee amends.
Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-
de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.
Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him
Caius. Me tank you for dat.
Host. And moreover, bully,—But first. Master
guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaliero Slender,
go you through the town to Frogmore.
[Aside to them.
Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?
Host. He is there: see what humour he is in;
and I will bring the doctor about by the fields.
Will it do well?
Shal. We will do it.
Page, Shal., and Slen. Adieu, good Master
doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHAL., and SLEN.
Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he
speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
Host. Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience;
throw cold water on thy choler: go about the
fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring
thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-
house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried
I aim? said I well?
Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar,
I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good
guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen,
my patients.
Host. For the which I will be thy adversary
toward Anne Page: said I well?
Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
Host. Let us wag, then.
Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
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