William Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors in the complete original text.
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Comedy of Errors

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Act II. Scene I.

Act II. Scene I.—The House of ANTIPHOLUS
of Ephesus.

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.

Adr. Neither my husband, nor the slave
return'd,
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.
Luc. Perhaps some merchant hath invited
him,
And from the mart he's somewhere gone to
dinner.
Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
A man is master of his liberty:
Time is their master, and, when they see time,
They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.
Adr. Why should their liberty than ours be
more?
Luc. Because their business still lies out
o' door.
Adr. Look, when I serve him so, he takes
it ill.
Luc. O! know he is the bridle of your will.
Adr. There's none but asses will be bridled so.
Luc. Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with
woe.
There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky;
The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,
Are their males' subjects and at their controls.
Men, more divine, the masters of all these,
Lords of the wide world, and wild wat'ry seas,
Indu'd with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females and their lords:
Then, let your will attend on their accords.
Adr. This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
Luc. Not this, but troubles of the marriage-
bed.
Adr. But, were you wedded, you would bear
some sway.
Luc. Ere I learn love, I'll practise to obey.
Adr. How if your husband start some other
where?
Luc. Till he come home again, I would for-
bear.
Adr. Patience unmov'd! no marvel though
she pause;
They can be meek that have no other canse.
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burden'd with like weight of
pain,
As much, or more we should ourselves complain:
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience wouldst re-
lieve me:
But if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.
Luc. Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man: now is your husband
nigh.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus.
Adr. Say, is your tardy master now at
hand?
Dro. E. Nay, he's at two hands with me, and
that my two ears can witness.
Adr. Say, didst thou speak with him? Know'st
thou his mind?
Dro. E. Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine
ear.
Beshrew his band, I scarce could understand it.
Luc. Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not
feel his meaning?
Dro. E. Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too
well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully, that
I could scarce understand them.
Adr. But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
Dro. E. Why, mistress, sure my master is
horn-mad.
Adr. Horn-mad, thou villain!
Dro. E. I mean not cuckold-mad; but, sure,
he is stark mad.
When I desir'd him to come home to dinner,
He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
' 'Tis dinner time,' quoth I;' my gold! 'quoth he:
'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'my gold!'
quoth he:
'Will you come home?' quoth I: 'my gold!'
quoth he:
'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee,
villain?'
'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd; ' 'my gold!' quoth
he:
'My mistress, sir,' quoth I: ' hang up thy mis-
tress!
I know not thy mistress: out on thy mistress!'
Luc. Quoth who?
Dro. E. Quoth my master:
'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mis-
tress.'
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bear home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
Adr. Go back again, thou slave, and fetch
him home?
Dro. E. Go back again, and be new beaten
home.
For God's sake, send some other messenger.
Adr. Back, slave, or I will break thy pate
across.
Dro. E. And he will bless that cross with
other beating:
Between you, I shall have a holy head.
Adr. Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy mas-
ter home.
Dro. E. Am I so round with you as you
with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me
hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in
leather. [Exit.
Luc. Fie, how impatience loureth in your face'
Adr. His company must do his minions
grace,
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? then, he hath wasted it:
Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard:
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault; he's master of my state:
What ruins are in me that can be found
By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
Of my defeatures, My decayed fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair;
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
And feeds from home: poor I am but his stale.
Luc. Self-harming jealousy! fie! beat it
hence.
Adr. Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs
dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promis'd me a chain:
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
I see, the jewel best enamelled
Will lose his beauty; and though gold bides still
That others touch, yet often touching will
Wear gold; and no man that hath a name,
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.
Luc. How many fond fools serve mad jea-
lousy! [Exeunt.
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